MY DYING CONSCIENCE

My Dying Conscience - Something New Everyday!

Sometimes in the dark of the night
I visit my conscience
To see if it is still breathing
For its dying a slow death
Every day.

When I pay for a meal in a fancy place
An amount which is perhaps the monthly income
Of the guard who holds the door open
And quickly I shrug away that thought
It dies a little

When I buy vegetables from the vendor
And his son “chhotu” smilingly weighs the potatoes
Chhotu, a small child, who should be studying at school
I look the other way
It dies a little.

When I am decked up in a designer dress
A dress that cost a bomb
And I see a woman at the crossing
In tatters,trying unsuccessfully to save her dignity
And I immediately roll up my window
It dies a little

When at Christmas I buy expensive gifts for my children
On return, I see half clad children
With empty stomach and hungry eyes
Selling Santa caps at red light
I try to salve my conscience by buying some, yet
It dies a little

When my sick maid sends her daughter to work
Making her bunk school
I know I should tell her to go back
But I look at the loaded sink and dirty dishes
And I tell myself that is just for a couple of days
It dies a little

When I give my son the freedom
To come home late from a party
And yet when my daughter asks
I tell her it is not safe
I raise my voice when she questions why
It dies a little

When I hear about a rape
or a murder of a child,
I feel sad, yet a little thankful that it’s not my child
I can not look at myself in the mirror
It dies a little

When people fight over caste creed and religion
I feel hurt and helpless
I tell myself that my country is going to the dogs
I blame the corrupt politicians
Absolving myself of all responsibilities
It dies a little

When my city is choked
Breathing is dangerous in the smog ridden Delhi
I take my car to work daily
Not taking the metro,not trying car pool
One car won’t make a difference, I think
It dies a little

So when in the dark of the night
I visit my conscience
And find it still breathing
I am surprised
For, with my own hands
Daily, bit by bit, I bury it.

By Rashmi Trivedi
Author of Woman everything will be fine!


			

Inner Work

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Usually when we think about our work we think about our jobs, studies or the daily tasks/chores of living. When we get  a good review from our boss, an ‘A’ on our exam , or a Tidy and organised home, we feel successful in our work. we thrive on seeing visible results and external achievements. Yet there are times when our energy and action needs to shift away from this type of external work and focus instead on inner work, Transformation of our thoughts, emotions and desires. the challenge with inner work that it is imperceptible. there is no gold star when our mindfulness practice helps us temper our reactivity. No one gives us an ‘A’ when meditation helps us improve our concentration. We don’t get a promotion when mindfulness helps us bring gratitude into our daily life. The inner work we do in this path doesn’t provide the visible external achievements we get from our job or responsibilities. But inner work  no less difficult. In fact sometimes it is far more difficult and it’s certainly no less important.

A powerful example of this can be seen in the life of Psychologist Dr Carl Yang. Dr Yang was already an influential psychiatrist when he had a mental crisis of his own. overcome with intense emotions, dreams and even terrifying visions, he withdrew from his professional work for several years. However he wasn’t inactive. Yang used this period of illness to search deep within himself. from the outside he seems to be breaking down but inwardly he was breaking through. Years later Dr Yang wrote that this intense period of inner work led him to his most original and influential insights about human psychology.

So the lesson we can take here that inner work can be some of the most valuable work we do. Overcoming fear, addiction, rejection, regret or grief  through patient inner work can lead to  significant and long lasting improvements in our lives and the lives of those around us.  So make a special effort to recognize and validate your inner-work  –  The hard effort of transformation, healing and growth.

As a guru writes ” peace and joy hither neither in the quietness of a forest nor out of the accomplishments of a market place, but only from within”

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