Category Archives: Humour
Well Being Secret
Life Explained !!!
On the first day, God created the dog and said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.
For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.”
The dog said, “That’s a long time to be barking.
How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?”
And God saw it was good.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said,
“Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh.
For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.”
The monkey said, “Monkey tricks for twenty years?
That’s a pretty long time to perform.
How about I give you back ten like the dog did?”
And God, again saw it was good.
On the third day, God created the cow and said,
“You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family.
For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.”
The cow said, “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?”
And God agreed it was good.
On the fourth day, God created humans and said,
“Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.”
But the human said, “Only twenty years?
Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back,
the ten the monkey gave back,
and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?”
“Okay,” said God, “You asked for it.”
So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves.
For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family.
For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you
The first time I heard about paraprosdokians, I liked them. Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected & is frequently humorous.
#(Winston Churchill loved them.)👌👌👏👏
1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you…. but it’s still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up…. we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
11. I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.
12. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first & call whatever you hit the target.
13. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
14. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
15. I’m supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder & harder for me to find one now.
Spread the Laughter,
Share the Cheer,
Let’s Be Happy
While We’re here!😊
The importance of perspective and intelligent analysis…
During World War II, numerous fighter planes were getting hit by anti-aircraft guns.
Air Force officers wanted to add some protective armor/shield to the planes. The question was “where”?
The planes could only support few more kilos of weight. A group of mathematicians and engineers were called for a short consulting project.
Fighter planes returning from missions were analysed for bullet holes per square foot. They found 1.93 bullet holes/sq. foot near the tail of the planes whereas only 1.11 bullet holes/sq. foot close to the engine.
The Air Force officers thought that since the tail portion had the greatest density of bullets, that would be the logical location for putting an anti-bullet shield.
A mathematician named Abraham Wald said exactly the opposite; more protection is needed where the bullet holes aren’t – that is -around the engines.
His judgement surprised everyone. He said “We are counting the planes that returned from a mission. Planes with lots of bullet holes in the engine did not return at all.”
If you go to the recovery room at the hospital, you’ll see a lot more people with bullet holes in their legs than people with bullet holes in their chests. That’s not because people don’t get shot in the chest; it’s because the people who get shot in the chest don’t recover.
Remember the words of Einstein – “Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted, counts.”
From the book – “How Not To Be Wrong” by Jordan Ellenberg
A Professor started his class on a very serious Topic. The moment he turned towards the blackboard, one of the students whistled. He turned, looked at the class and asked the Whistler’s name. No one answered.
The Professor peacefully kept the Pen in his pocket saying: “Lecture ends here. I’ll tell you a story to utilise the remaining time”.
Everyone became interested.
“Yesterday night I tried hard to sleep, but it was miles away from my eyes, so I thought I’d better get petrol in my car, which will save my time next morning and might induce sleep. After having my tank full, I started roaming in that area, enjoying the peace of a traffic free ride.
Suddenly, on the corner I saw a girl who was as young and beautiful as the clothes she was wearing. Must have been returning from a party. Out of courtesy, I turned my car towards her and asked if I may be of any help. She asked me if I could drop her to her home, she’ll be very obliged, to which I agreed.
She sat in the front seat with me. We started talking, and to my amazement she was very intelligent, had control on many topics which many youngsters don’t.
When we reached her address, she admitted my courteous nature and behavior and accepted that she had fallen in love with me.
I also admitted her intelligence and beauty and that I’ve also started liking her. I told her about my job as a professor in the university.
The girl asked my number, which I gave her willingly. Then she asked me a favor, to which i couldn’t have denied naturally.
She said that her brother is a student in the same university, and asked me to take care of him, since we’ll be in a long relationship now.
I asked the name of the student. She said that I’ll recognise him with one of his very prominent quality, He whistles a lot!
All eyes in the classroom turned towards the boy who had whistled.
The professor said: *”I didn’t buy my Ph. D in Psychology.. I earned it”
I never sat on a sofa with my father & after my marriage, I had already left him…….
“Many years ago, after I got married I was sitting on a couch on a hot, humid day, sipping frozen juice during a visit to my father.
As I talked about adult life, marriage, responsibilities, and obligations, my father thoughtfully stirred the ice cubes in his glass and cast a clear, sober look at me.
“Never forget your friends,” he advised, “they will become more important as you get older.”
“Regardless of how much you love your family and the children you happen to have, you will always need friends.
Remember to go out with them occasionally, do activities with them, call them …”
“What strange advice!” I thought. “I just entered the married world, I am an adult and surely my wife and the family that we will start will be everything I need to make sense of my life.”
Yet I obeyed him; kept in touch with my friends and annually increased their number. Over the years, I became aware that my father knew what he was talking about!
In as much as time and nature carry out their designs and mysteries on a man, friends are the bulwarks of his life.
After 50 years of life, here is what I learned:
Life goes on.
The distances increase
Children grow up & and become independent and although it breaks the parents’ heart but they are often separated from them.
Jobs come and go.
Illusions, desires, attractions, sex … weaken.
People do what they should not do.
The parents die.
Colleagues forget the favors.
The races are over.
But, true friends are always there, no matter how long or how many miles they are.
A friend is never more distant than the reach of a need, reaching out to you intervening in your favor, waiting for you with open arms or with blessings for your life.
When we started this adventure called LIFE, we did not know of the incredible joys or sorrows that were ahead.
We did not know how much we would need from one another.
Love your parents, take care of your children, but keep a group of good friends
Dedicated to all Friends.
Author : Unknown
Source: Online Magazine
The Zebra Puzzle
The Zebra Puzzle
The Zebra Puzzle is a logic puzzle said to be invented by Albert Einstein (but who
knows), and Wikipedia says that only 2% of the world population is able to solve it (also who knows, but it really made me want to solve it). Here’s how it goes:
The puzzle consists of five different-colored houses in a row, each lived in by a resident of a different nationality. Each resident owns a different pet, prefers a different drink, and smokes a different brand of cigarettes than the others.
You’re given 15 other facts:
- There are five houses.
- The Englishman lives in the red house.
- The Spaniard owns the dog.
- Coffee is drunk in the green house.
- The Ukrainian drinks tea.
- The green house is immediately to the right of the ivory house (to your right as you stand facing the row of five houses).
- The Old Gold smoker owns snails.
- Kools are smoked in the yellow house.
- Milk is drunk in the middle house.
- The Norwegian lives in the first house.
- The man who smokes Chesterfields lives in the house next to the man with the fox.
- Kools are smoked in a house next to the house where the horse is kept.
- The Lucky Strike smoker drinks orange juice.
- The Japanese smokes Parliaments.
- The Norwegian lives next to the blue house.
To solve the puzzle, tell me:
1) Which man likes to drink water
2) Which man owns a zebra
And for those who got it, how did you do it?
Share your answers or subscribe/email us to get the answer
Celebrate Life !!
What an elevating speech!
By Sri Sri Ravi Shankar..
“A plum once said, ‘just because a banana lover came by, I converted myself into a banana. Unfortunately, his taste changed after a few months and so I became an orange. When he said I was bitter I became an apple, but he went in search of grapes. Yielding to the opinions of so many people, I have changed so many times that I no more know who I am. How I wish I had remained a plum and waited for a plum lover.’
Just because a group of people do not accept you as you are, there is no necessity for you to strip yourself of your originality. You need to think good of yourself, for the world takes you at your own estimate. Never stoop down in order to gain recognition. Never let go of your true self to win a relationship. In the long run, you will regret that you traded your greatest Glory – your uniqueness, for momentary validation. Even Gandhi was not accepted by many people. The group that does not accept you as YOU is not Your world.
There is a world for each one of you, where you shall reign as king /queen by just being yourself. Find that world… In fact, that world will find You.
What water can do, gasoline cannot and what copper can, gold cannot. The fragility of the ant enables it to move and the rigidity of the tree enables it to stay rooted. Everything and everybody has been designed with a Proportion of uniqueness to serve a purpose that we can fulfill only by being our unique self. You as you alone can serve your purpose and I as I alone can serve my purpose. You are here to be you… Just YOU.
There was a time in this world when a Krishna was required and He was sent; A time when a Christ was required and He was sent; a time when a Mahatma was required and he was sent; There came a time when you were required on this planet and hence you were sent. Let us be the best we can be.
In the history of the universe, there has been nobody like you and to the infinity of time to come, there will be no one like you. Existence should have loved you so much that it broke the mould after making you, so that another of your kind will never get repeated.
You are original. You are rare. You are unique. You are a wonder. You are a masterpiece. .. Your Master’s piece.
Celebrate your Uniqueness!’
Celebrate Life 😊
Be Present !!!
Few months ago I asked these two questions to all kids attending a gathering
Few things you want your parents to stop doing and….
Few things you want your parents to start doing
I got some interesting responses
Things I want my parents to stop doing:
—Stop comparing my life with your childhood. Things were really different back then, so stop comparing.
—Stop using these words and phrases: use your brain, are you deaf? Can’t you see? Useless, careless, good for nothing….etc….
—stop showing off my skills. I don’t want to dance in front of your friends. I don’t like to do that. Why do you force me to sing/ dance or show my art work to our relatives or friends?
—Can you speak softly? I’m tired to hear you shout, every day, every single moment.
Things I want my parents to start doing:
—Smile, please… I don’t remember when was the last time my mom smiled. She usually carries a frown on her face. That look irritates me.
—Appreciate. I know I’m not good at all things, but many things only I can do, no one else can. So a little bit appreciation is good na….
—Hug me, I see how my mom hugs my 5 year old sister, but when I run to hug her…she immediately says, “Later, first do you work” huh!
—Play with me. I love to play with my friends, but playing with mom dad is fun! If only they had time to play….
—Tell me a story. I’d love to listen to their childhood tales, especially about their mistakes, failures and mischief. But my parents always keep telling about all their achievements. It makes me scared. What if I can’t achieve success the way they achieved….?
—Keep that WhatsApp aside. Talk to me mom & dad.
—Can I sleep in your bedroom at least once a month? I love cuddling you guys.
So parents, wondering what to gift your child this holiday season, here’s your list. Be present for your children and make parenting engaging and fulfilling.
Do something different, do something that you would always think of, do something that you have been waiting to do… Make this year stress free and a happier one… Happy new year
Time has no holiday.. Dreams have no expiry date.. And life has no pause button.
Live it.. Love it..
Enjoy each and every moment of your life….!!
Save only those memories which gives twinkle in your eyes… Not wrinkles on your face…!!