Flow – The secret to happiness

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“Contrary to what we usually believe, moments like these, the best moments in our lives, are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times—although such experiences can also be enjoyable, if we have worked hard to attain them. The best moments usually occur when a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile. ”

― Mihaly CsikszentmihalyiFlow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience

 

Optimal experience is thus something that we make happen. For a child, it could be placing with trembling fingers the last block on a tower she has built, higher than any she has built so far; for a swimmer, it could be trying to beat his own record; for a violinist, mastering an intricate musical passage. For each person there are thousands of opportunities, challenges to expand ourselves.

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Let it Go ……

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When somebody told me that he has failed in his exams, my question is, “Is it a law that you will pass every time?”

When someone told me that my boyfriend broke up with me, my question is, “Is it a rule that you will have successful relationships everywhere?”

When somebody asked me why am I in depression, my question is, “Is it compulsory to have confidence all the time?”

When someone cried to me about his huge business loss due to his wrong decision, my question is, “Is it possible that you take all right decisions?”

The fact is our expectation that life has to be perfect/permanent is the biggest reason of our unhappiness.

One has to understand the law of impermanence of nature.

After each sunny day, there has to be a dark night, after each birth there have to be certain deaths, for the full moon to come again it has to pass through no moon. In this imperfection of nature, there is perfection.

So stop taking your failures and bad part of your life soooo personally or intensely, even the divine energy does not like to give you pain but its the cycle through which you have to pass. Prepare yourself for one more fight after each fall because even failures cannot be permanent…!

Enjoy life…. 👍😊☺

Your breath comes to go.
Your thoughts come to go.
Your words come to go.
Your actions come to go.
Your feelings come to go.
Your illnesses come to go.
Your phases come to go.
Your seasons come to go.
You have come to go.

Then why do you hold on to your guilt, anger, un-forgiveness, hatred so so so tightly, when it too has come to go…

Let it go … 🌹🌹

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Good Habits & Discipline

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Please read this carefully and get your son or daughter to read it too.
This post is about what happened in a typical middle-class household.
The son didn’t like living in his father’s house. This was because of his father’s constant ‘nagging’;
“You are leaving the room without switching off the fan”
“The TV is on in the room where there is no one. Switch it off!”
“Keep the pen in the stand; it is fallen down”

The son didn’t like his father nagging him for these minor things.
He had to tolerate these things till yesterday since he was with them in the same house.

But today, however, he had an invitation for a job interview.
“As soon as I get the job, I should leave this town. There won’t be any nagging from my father” were his thoughts.

As he was about to leave for the interview, the father advised:
“Answer the questions put to you without any hesitation. Even if you don’t know the answer, mention that confidently.” His gave him more money than he actually needed to attend the interview.

The son arrived at the interview centre.
He noticed that there were no security guards at the gate. Even though the door was open, the latch was protruding out probably hitting the people entering through the door. He put the latch back properly, closed the door and entered the office.

On both sides of the pathway he could see beautiful flower plants. The gardener had kept the water running in the hose-pipe and was not to be seen anywhere. The water was overflowing on the pathway. He lifted the hosepipe and placed it near one of the plants and went further.

There was no one in the reception area. However, there was a notice saying that the interview was on the first floor. He slowly climbed the stairs.

The light that was switched on last night was still burning at 10 am in the morning. He remembered his father’s admonition, “Why are you leaving the room without switching off the light?” and thought he could still hear that now. Even though he felt irritated by that thought, he sought the switch and switched off the light.

Upstairs in a large hall he could see many aspirants sitting waiting for their turn. He looked at the number of people and wondered if he had any chance of getting the job.

He entered the hall with some trepidation and stepped on the “Welcome” mat placed near the door. He noticed that the mat was upside down. He straightened out the mat with some irritation. Habits die hard.

He saw that in a few rows in the front there were many people waiting for their turn, whereas the back rows were empty, but a number of fans were running over those rows of seats.
He heard his father’s voice again, “Why are the fans running in the room where there is no one?” He switched off the fans that were not needed and sat at one of the empty chairs.
He could see many men entering the interview room and immediately leave from another door. There was thus no way anyone could guess what was being asked in the interview.

When it was his turn, He went and stood before the interviewer with some trepidation and concern.

The officer took the certificates from him and without looking at them asked, “When can you start work?”

He thought ,”is this a trick question being asked in the interview, or is this a signal that I have been offered the job?” He was confused.

“What are you thinking?” asked the boss. “We didn’t ask anyone any question here. By asking a few questions we won’t be able to assess the skills of anyone. So our test was to assess the attitude of the person. We kept certain tests based on the behaviour of the candidates and we observed everyone through CCTV. No one who came today did anything to set right the latch at the door, the hose pipe, the welcome mat, the uselessly running fans or lights. You were the only one who did that. That’s why we have decided to select you for the job”, said the boss.

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He always used to get irritated at his father’s discipline and demonstrations. Now he realized that it is only the discipline that has got him his job. His irritation and anger at his father vanished completely.
He decided that he would bring his father too to his workplace and left for home happily.

Whatever our father tells us is only for our good aimed at giving us a bright future!

A rock doesn’t become a beautiful sculpture if it resists the pain of the chisel chipping it away.

For us to become a beautiful sculpture and a human being we need to accept admonitions that chisel out the bad habits and behaviour from ourselves. That is what our father does when he disciplines us.

The mother lifts the child up on her waist to feed her, to cuddle her, and to put her to sleep. But the father is not like that. He lifts the child up on his shoulders to make him see the world that he couldn’t see.
We can realize the pain the mother undergoes by listening to her; but the father’s pain can be realized only when others tell us about it.

Our father is our teacher when we are five years old; a terrible villain when we are about twenty, and a guidepost as long as he lives…

Mothers can go to her daughter’s or son’s home when she’s old; but the father doesn’t know how to do that…

There is no use in hurting our parents when they are alive and remembering about them when they have passed away. Treat them well always.
This is an example of mentorship.

*PLEASE! Share with parents & children.
Good day

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The Moth’s Mistake

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This is about the deceptive nature of comfort. We are all searching for happiness and we often seek it through forms of comfort. Off course for each of us comfort looks different. For some it is found in food,  alcohol or intimacy, for others it is found in work, shopping or entertainment and when we reach for these remedies there is often instant relief but pleasure is fleeting and the lure of comfort can deceive us.

Consider  the way Moths tend to fly towards a flame. To the moth the flame represents the captivating sensation of light so they fly to the flickering glow. But this is clearly not a good choice. The moth seeks comfort but the flame actually causes suffering. And this is what we do. We are pulled towards what appears comforting but it is in fact harmful. We go an a alcohol binge and it feels enjoyable at first but the next day we pay the price. When we are angry at someone we begin to yell at them.  This too might feel good momentarily but it creates a wider rift and deeper hurt.

So it is up to us to use the skills of mindfulness and pay attention to how we respond to this comfort or agitation. We must ask ourselves what do we reach for as comfort and then notice, does our habit actually brings us comfort?  And if so, for how long?  Does that comfort comes at a price of long term suffering?

As Jeff Olson said “your habits operate at the unconscious level. You are not normally aware of them. It’s only by bringing habit into your conscious awareness that you can observe what it is doing. How it empowers and serves you or doesn’t”.

Ultimately we want to bring awareness to the impulses and urges that accompany unease and discomfort. so rather than unconsciously reaching for that old comfort or vice, we can consciously choose actions that serve our deeper happiness and well being.

 

Manual for Climbing Mountains

 

A] Choose the mountain you want to climb: don’t pay attention to what other people say, such as “that one’s more beautiful” or “this one’s easier”. You’ll be spending lots of energy and enthusiasm to reach your objective, so you’re the only one responsible and you should be sure of what you’re doing.

B] Know how to get close to it: mountains are often seen from far off – beautiful, interesting, full of challenges. But what happens when we try to draw closer? Roads run all around them, flowers grow between you and your objective, what seemed so clear on the map is tough in real life. So try all the paths and all the tracks until eventually one day you’re standing in front of the top that you yearn to reach.

C] Learn from someone who has already been up there: no matter how unique you feel, there is always someone who has had the same dream before you and ended up leaving marks that can make your journey easier; places to hang the rope, trails, broken branches to make the walking easier. The climb is yours, so is the responsibility, but don’t forget that the experience of others can help a lot.

D] When seen up close, dangers are controllable: when you begin to climb the mountain of your dreams, pay attention to the surroundings. There are cliffs, of course. There are almost imperceptible cracks in the mountain rock. There are stones so polished by storms that they have become as slippery as ice. But if you know where you are placing each footstep, you will notice the traps and how to get around them.

E] The landscape changes, so enjoy it: of course, you have to have an objective in mind – to reach the top. But as you are going up, more things can be seen, and it’s no bother to stop now and again and enjoy the panorama around you. At every meter conquered, you can see a little further, so use this to discover things that you still had not noticed.

F] Respect your body: you can only climb a mountain if you give your body the attention it deserves. You have all the time that life grants you, as long as you walk without demanding what can’t be granted. If you go too fast you will grow tired and give up half way there. If you go too slow, night will fall and you will be lost. Enjoy the scenery, take delight in the cool spring water and the fruit that nature generously offers you, but keep on walking.

G] Respect your soul: don’t keep repeating “I’m going to make it”. Your soul already knows that, what it needs is to use the long journey to be able to grow, stretch along the horizon, touch the sky. An obsession does not help you at all to reach your objective, and even ends up taking the pleasure out of the climb. But pay attention: also, don’t keep saying “it’s harder than I thought”, because that will make you lose your inner strength.

H] Be prepared to climb one kilometer more: the way up to the top of the mountain is always longer than you think. Don’t fool yourself, the moment will arrive when what seemed so near is still very far. But since you were prepared to go beyond, this is not really a problem.

I] Be happy when you reach the top: cry, clap your hands, shout to the four winds that you did it, let the wind – the wind is always blowing up there – purify your mind, refresh your tired and sweaty feet, open your eyes, clean the dust from your heart. It feels so good, what was just a dream before, a distant vision, is now part of your life, you did it!

J] Make a promise: now that you have discovered a force that you were not even aware of, tell yourself that from now on you will use this force for the rest of your days. Preferably, also promise to discover another mountain, and set off on another adventure.

K ] Tell your story: yes, tell your story! Give your example. Tell everyone that it’s possible, and other people will then have the courage to face their own mountains.

IN “LIKE A FLOWING RIVER” (EBOOK) by Paulo Coelho

 

Key to Happiness

“ I am rich, fit, and I have mastered almost everything I wanted to master. Why am I still not happy and still not satisfied?” – posted in Quora by Anonymous

Answer by Karim Elsheikh:

“Human happiness (as we know it) is caused by 4 basic chemicals:

Dopamine
Endorphins
Serotonin
Oxytocin

# On your journey to become fit, your body released endorphins to cope with the pain of physical exercise. You probably began to enjoy exercise as you got into it, and the endorphins made you happy – temporarily.

# On your journey to become rich, you probably completed many tasks and goals. You probably bought all the things you’ve ever wanted. Nice cars, beautiful clothes, and a perfect home. This released dopamine in your brain when you achieved your goals and bought these things, which once again contributed to your happiness – temporarily.

So what about the other two chemicals?

It turns out that human happiness is incomplete without all 4 chemicals constantly being released in the brain.

So now you need to work on releasing serotonin and oxytocin.

“How do I do that, Buddy?”

# Serotonin is released when we act in a way that benefits others. When we give to causes beyond ourselves and our own benefit. When we connect with people on a deep, human level. Writing this Quora answer is releasing serotonin in my brain right now because I’m using my precious time on the weekend to give back to others for free. Hopefully I’m providing useful information that can help other people, like yourself.

That’s why you often see billionaires turning to charity when they have already bought everything they wanted to, and experienced everything they wanted to in life. They’ve had enough dopamine from material pleasures, now they need the serotonin.

# Oxytocin on the other hand, is released when we become close to another human being. When we hug a friend, or shake someone’s hand, oxytocin is released in varying amounts.

Oxytocin is easy to release. It’s all about becoming more social!

Share your wealth with your friends and family to create amazing experiences.

Laugh, love, cooperate, and play with others.
That’s it my friend!

I think it all comes down to the likelihood that you are missing two things: contribution and social connection”

 

Joy of Living

I was jogging this morning and I noticed a person about half a km ahead. I could guess he was running a little slower than me and I felt good, I said to myself I will try catch up with him.

I had about a km before I needed to turn off. So I started running faster and faster. Every block, I was gaining on him just a little bit. After just a few minutes I was only about 100 feet behind him, so I really picked up the pace and pushed myself. I was determined to catch up with him.

Finally, I did it! I caught up and passed him. Inwardly I felt very good. “I beat him”.

Of course, he didn’t even know we were racing.

After I passed him, I realized I had been so focused on competing against him that I had missed my turn to my house,. I had missed the focus on my inner peace, I missed to see the beauty of greenery around, I missed to do my inner Namasarmarna, and in the needless hurry stumbled and slipped twice or thrice and might have hit the footpath and broken a limb.

It then dawned on me, isn’t that what happens in life when we focus on competing with co-workers, neighbours, friends, family, trying to outdo them or trying to prove that we are more successful or more important and in the bargain we miss on our happiness within our own surroundings?

We spend our time and energy running after them and we miss out on our own paths to our given destination. The problem with unhealthy competition is that it’s a never ending cycle.

There will always be somebody ahead of you, someone with a better job, nicer car, more money in the bank, more education, a prettier wife, a more handsome husband, better behaved children, better circumstances and better conditions etc.

But one important realisation is that ‘You can be the best that you can be, when you are not competing with anyone.’

Some people are insecure because they pay too much attention to what others are, where others are going, wearing and driving. Take whatever you have, the height, weight and personality. Accept it and realize, that you are blessed. Stay focused and live a healthy life. There is no competition in Destiny. Each has his own.

Comparison AND Competition is the thief of JOY. It kills the Joy of Living your Own Life.

Run your own Race that leads to Peace.

 

Friends

I never sat on a sofa with my father & after my marriage, I had already left him…….
“Many years ago, after I got married I was sitting on a couch on a hot, humid day, sipping frozen juice during a visit to my father.

As I talked about adult life, marriage, responsibilities, and obligations, my father thoughtfully stirred the ice cubes in his glass and cast a clear, sober look at me.

“Never forget your friends,” he advised, “they will become more important as you get older.”

“Regardless of how much you love your family and the children you happen to have, you will always need friends.

Remember to go out with them occasionally, do activities with them, call them …”

“What strange advice!” I thought. “I just entered the married world, I am an adult and surely my wife and the family that we will start will be everything I need to make sense of my life.”

Yet I obeyed him; kept in touch with my friends and annually increased their number. Over the years, I became aware that my father knew what he was talking about!

In as much as time and nature carry out their designs and mysteries on a man, friends are the bulwarks of his life.

After 50 years of life, here is what I learned:

Time passes.
Life goes on.
The distances increase
Children grow up & and become independent and although it breaks the parents’ heart but they are often separated from them.

Jobs come and go.

Illusions, desires, attractions, sex … weaken.

People do what they should not do.

The parents die.

Colleagues forget the favors.

The races are over.

But, true friends are always there, no matter how long or how many miles they are.

A friend is never more distant than the reach of a need, reaching out to you intervening in your favor, waiting for you with open arms or with blessings for your life.

When we started this adventure called LIFE, we did not know of the incredible joys or sorrows that were ahead.

We did not know how much we would need from one another.
Love your parents, take care of your children, but keep a group of good friends

Dedicated to all Friends.

Author : Unknown

Source: Online Magazine

25 Principles of Adult Behavior

Be patient, No matter what. Don’t badmouth: Assign responsibility, never blame. Say nothing behind another’s back you’d be unwilling to say, in exactly the same tone and language, to his face. Never assume the motives of others are, to them, less noble than yours are to you. Expand your sense of the possible. Don’t trouble yourself with matters you truly cannot change. Expect no more of anyone than you yourself can deliver. Tolerate ambiguity. Laugh at yourself frequently. Concern yourself with what is right rather than who is right. Never forget that, no matter how certain, you might be wrong. Give up blood sports. Remember that your life belongs to others as well. Do not endanger it frivolously. And never endanger the life of another. Never lie to anyone for any reason. (Lies of omission are sometimes exempt.) Learn the needs of those around you and respect them. Avoid the pursuit of happiness. Seek to define your mission and pursue that. Reduce your use of the first personal pronoun. Praise at least as often as you disparage. Never let your errors pass without admission. Become less suspicious of joy. Understand humility. Forgive. Foster dignity. Live memorably. Love yourself. Endure.

–  By John Perry Barlow , 1977

Yogic Diet

 

Yogic diet is a balanced, vegetarian diet that fulfills all the nutritional needs for mind-body balance. Eating the right food, in the right quantity, with the right attitude and at the right time are the tenets of a yogic diet. The ancient yogis classified food into Sattvic, Rajasic and Tamasic based on the three gunas or attributes present in every individual. viz., Sattva (purity), Rajas (activity), Tamas (inertia). These gunas exist in different degrees in every individual and change from time to time.

Sattvic diet is freshly cooked, clean vegetarian food, organic, that is grown in harmony with
nature and is cooked with love. Seekers of wisdom take this diet.

Bhagavad gita (17 : 8) describes Sattvic food as “promoting life, virtue, strength, health,
happiness and satisfaction.”

Sattvic foods are balanced combination of whole grains, legumes, pulses, fresh fruits and
vegetables, except onions, garlic and mushrooms. They include dry fruits, milk and milk products, natural sugars like jaggery and honey. Spices include coriander, cumin, fennel, fenugreek, black pepper, sesame, carom seeds, pomegranate seeds, ginger, holy basil, mint, cardamom, cinnamon and turmeric. Plant based oils include sesame, sunflower, olive and coconut.

Rajasic diet is over stimulating and destroy the mind-body balance. These foods cause restlessness to the mind, arouse negative emotions and lead to circulatory and nervous disorders. Sattvic foods when eaten in a hurry or with a negative attitude become Rajasic.

Bhagavat gita (17: 9) describes Rajasic food as “excessively hot, spicy, bitter, salty, pungent,
burning the tongue.”

Rajasic foods are stimulants such as coffee, tea, colas, chocolates, tobacco, onion and garlic.
They include hot-spicy, sour, fried, refined food and food with added salt and chillies.

Tamasic diet causes heaviness, dullness, lethargy and destroy body’s ability to withstand stress,
lower the resistance to disease. They do not have ‘prana’ for mind-body balance. Sattvic food when burnt, or over-eaten or reheated several times becomes Tamasic. Honey when cooked, becomes tamasic. Overripe and rotten fruits are tamasic.

Bhagavat gita (17:10) describes Tamasic food as “stale, rotten, tasteless, impure, unripe and
overcooked.”

Tamasic foods are meat, fish, chicken, eggs, mushrooms, onion, garlic, vinegar, drugs, alcohol
old, stale, burnt and overcooked food.