Lawyers should never ask grandmas’ a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer!

In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand.

He approached her and asked; “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”

She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you’re a big disappointment to me..
You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you..”

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney (the opponent’s lawyer)?”

She again replied, “Why, yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He’s lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. ..Yes I know him.”

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice said:

“If either of you rascals asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you to jail for contempt of court !

(Source: www)

A sign in a shoe repair store : “We will heel you, We will save your sole, We will even dye for you!”

At an Eye Clinic : “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, You’ve come to the right place.”;

On a Plumber’s truck : “We repair what your husband fixed”;

On an Electrician’s truck : “Let us remove your shorts”;

In a Non-smoking Area : “If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action”;

At a Car Dealership : “The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.”;

At the Electric Company : “We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. However, if you don’t, YOU will be de-lighted.”;

In a Restaurant window : “Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”;

In the front yard of a Funeral Home : “Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”;

Last but not least and I LOVE THIS……….

Sign on the back of Septic Tank Truck :

“Caution – This Truck is full of Political Promises”

Source: Whatsapp

1. Husband kills his wife while their 5 yr old son was still sleeping.
The weird thing was that kid didn’t ask 4 his mom even 3 days after she went missing.
Father:” Is there something that you want to ask me ? ”
Kid : “I just wonder, why mom is always standing BEHIND YOU . .

2. I woke up to hear knocking on glass. At first, I thought it was the window until I heard it come from the mirror again.

3. The last thing I saw was my alarm clock flashing 12:07 before she pushed her long rotting nails through my chest, her other hand muffling my screams. I sat bolt upright, relieved it was only a dream, but as I saw my alarm clock read 12:06, I heard my closet door creak open.

4. In all of the time that I’ve lived alone in this house, I swear to God I’ve closed more doors than I’ve opened.

5. A girl heard her mom yell her name from downstairs, so she got up & started to head down. As she got to the stairs, her mom pulled her into her room & said “I heard that, too.”

6. My wife woke me up last night to tell me there was an intruder in our house. She was murdered by an intruder 2 years ago.

7. I always thought my cat had a staring problem. she always seemed fixated on my face. Until one day, when I realized that she was always looking just behind me.

8. There’s nothing like the laughter of a baby. Unless it’s 1 a.m. & you’re home alone.

9. I begin tucking him into bed & he tells me, “Daddy, check for monsters under my bed.”
I look underneath for his amusement & see him.. another him, under the bed, staring back at me quivering and whispering, “Daddy, there’s somebody on my bed.”

10. You get home, tired after a long day’s work & ready for a relaxing night alone. You reach for the light switch, but another hand is already there.

11. There was a picture in my phone of me sleeping. I live alone.

(Source: whatsapp)